Really, Barack. It had nothing whatsoever to do with you. Sometimes I’m so busy living the American Dream that I get overcome with sleepiness. And it didn’t help that Bill Clinton wore me out the night before.

So I’m really sorry to fall asleep on you right after you said “thank you” about a million times to shut the audience up and after you professed your affection for Michelle and Joe Biden. Maybe you could have saved that for the end.

So I missed the whole thing. I’m counting on my friends to fill me in. C’mon friends. Don’t let me down.